Sober

I spent the entirety of July without consuming a drop of alcohol. To some people, this isn't a big deal. To others, it’s huge. Due to the two conflicting reactions, naturally, I heard two common responses: “so what?” or “oh my god, why?” To be frank, there are many reasons why I chose not to drink for a month, but the main one was the frequent thought of “do I drink too much?”

When I look around and observe my peers, everyone drinks with the same frequency as me. The norm is to have a glass of wine on a weeknight or drink a beer while I'm out to dinner. Friday or Saturday is dedicated to going out - a pregame and a bar (or two). That’s not bad, right? Sure, on the nights I go out with my friends, I don’t keep track of how much I’ve drank. Thus far, I haven’t had a true hangover yet, so perhaps it’s not that bad of a habit.

So, why do I often wonder if I drink too much?

Earlier this year, the idea of giving up alcohol scared me. What would I do if I couldn’t drink? To me, if it’s unfathomable to forgo alcohol, then maybe it’s a problem. I know that’s extreme, but, if you should know anything about me, one could say I’m an extreme person. A friend once told me that regardless of the kinds of people I’m around I have yet to get addicted to anything; so, I’ll be damned if I start now.

Okay, now I’m talking too much. You probably just want to know what I learned and if it’s worth abstaining from drinking.

Since I live alone, it was quite easy to not drink while I was at home. There was no point in cracking open a bottle of wine or wasting a seltzer. I was impressed with myself, to say the least. No alcohol? No problem. I was mentally prepared for social situations like a night out, as well. You see, I’ve gone out with my friends and remained sober, but that was only one night at a time. I failed to recognize that the brevity of my previous experiences with sobriety directly correlated with my success in not partaking on certain nights.

It was a blazing hot Saturday afternoon when my good friends threw a housewarming/potluck/birthday/farewell party. Yes, a lot of events at once but that’s just my group of friends for you - chaotic and kind. Anyhow, I brought my water bottle and was ready to munch on some snacks if I felt left out. Yeah, news flash, that shit does not work. Six hours of everyone you know slamming drinks and freely socializing with not a care in the world… talk about FOMO. I knew that if I drank, though, I would feel awful for breaking my promise, so I reluctantly prevailed.

However, I’m overtly introspective, so I forced myself to reflect on why I felt the urge to drink. Was it the fear of missing out? I mean, I was there and participating in everything besides the act of drinking. Was it the worry of feeling judged for being sober? None of my friends could care less that I wasn’t drinking. They were just happy I was there. That’s when it hit me: drinking culture has infiltrated our norms around socialization. Every plan is based on drinking. Wine with dinner, beer at trivia, seltzers at the pregame - the list goes on. How could there not be a preference biased to drinking compared to other activities? Drinking can ease your social anxiety and there are always so many potential good moments to be had. On the other hand, more importantly, the opposite is true: increased social anxiety and mental anguish. Plus, let's not neglect the hangxiety the day after. If you don't know, that feeling that everybody hates you or that you were embarrassing the night before is hangxiety. I mean, is it an official term? No, but we're making it happen.

I did realize, though, that it can often keep me from enjoying the activities I truly love. For example, I love going to a coffee shop on Saturday mornings with a friend to write and chat the morning away. It’s not exactly a pleasant activity when you’re exhausted, dehydrated, and stressed about what you did or didn't do the night before. More than that, my dry July made me realize I wasn’t prioritizing the things I genuinely enjoy doing. The activities that enrich my life and fulfill me. If anything, I learned a valuable lesson in looking out for my best interest. So, is drinking inherently bad for me and my lifestyle? No, but taking a break from it helped magnify what my priorities are.

Future Shresta, if you’re considering going sober for any amount of time, do it. You’ll thank me later.

Sincerely,

Shresta